Sunday, July 20, 2008

I don't know

" I don't know " . I don't know why do i say this three word sentence to myself almost 100 times everyday . I seriously do not know . I would have said it at least 5 times by now from the time i started writing this post . I warn u here that this cud be really boring , because i dont intend to conclude anything at the end of this pretty much a very long post , its all random thoughts that comes to me and haunts me , poorly structured and the flow of which would be miserable making no sense , and finding many lines bakwaas . So if u go ahead its all on ur own risk and for doing that i give u all the right to leave the worst of comments u feel .

I dont know if i am the most confused person in this world . I am confused about right and wrong , good and bad , happiness and sadness , the union of which pretty much covers everything in this universe . I find myself stuck in a vicious circle of daily life funda . I very often question myself some time who am i or what is the purpose of my existence . I could only hurt myself which makes me totally harmless for others . I dont know why i realise my weaknesses everyday . Why do i have to think every day lets not give up .. lets keep trying ... why i do not always remain happy ... why is there dominance of sadness over happiness .. why do i say myself ...nothing is going to be better and then i say again ...lets not give up..keep trying ... i dont know the answers to all these question and dont even know do i really need to know the answers . I fear the most "fear" itself . I always wish god to take this away from me forever , but it somehow always finds a place within me . I do not want to feel its presence . I am not sure how i am presenting myself by writing these thoughts - a pessimist . I dont know . But do i really need to care of that . I always find / create a new funda to stay up confident when the old one stops working . But why do i do that . Why do i always need a one . I dont know .

I dont know why do not i always know what i want . I dont know why do i wish everyday in the morning that my day go good . Why do i wish that .... why i am afraid of anything bad to take... i hate all this ... why am i not always the same guy actually i am .... or may be i myself do not know who actually i am . I dont know why i am bothered so much ...my friends tell me that i overthink things ...... which probably u wud have made out by now and if u r still reading it . I thought for once to make my first post very much interesting / well structured . But then i thought why it cant be just putting the thoughts in a random fashion for which the blogs are . And what if after reading this post , people start looking at me like a less confident , low guy . Do i really need to bother about all this . How will i get affected by this , will my work be affected or will i lose my friends . I dont know . I really appreciate and thank you at the same time if u r reading this line of my post , because i hardly expect anyone to come till here , but i would have , if i were u because i love this kind of stuff - life kinda .

I dont know why this random thoughts keep coming to my one and only brain and neither do i know the answers to all these question nor do i know a way to stop this questions on the way before they reach my brain . I felt like throwing a PJ here , but kept it to me , thinking that u might not be able to get it and even if u get it you would think i am not good at jokes . I do not want u to think this .

I dont know if this is the most boring post u wud have ever read , but why do i bother , is this my problem . While writing this , i am bothered about how do i give a good ending to this post : but what is the need for a good end . Cant i just stop anywhere and say this is the end . Why are all these things so important . Having said that i say to u : this is the end , and if u are still reading this , this wud be pretty much a good news for u i guess . And please do not curse me for this because i never promised to keep it interesting and u only chose to come till here after i have warned u in the first para itself . I dont know do i really need to say it again : this is the end .